This Must Be The Plaice

Published today under the News > Society > Depression section of the Guardian website,  this article on the quarter life crisis phenomenon is nourished with an unnecessary seafood metaphor, but highlights a very real and modern affliction.  It has broken down the four phases of a crisis that one third of people between the ages of 25 and 35 go through.

Well I’ve been in the grips of such a crisis and I attest you can shave about 3 phases off that by reading some French existentialist philosophy. Skip Camus and go straight to Sartre for maximum effect. You’ll be plunged deep into the Nausea, and probably start thinking of ways you can top yourself without your parents feeling they failed at raising you. My idea was a nice clean hanging, whereby I would not leave a note, but I would leave my pants around my ankles and my genitals exposed.  Death by misadventure is a great story for your friends and relatives, and your next of kin will be happier not knowing that you died believing ”every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance”.

After you put the book down, it’ll be choppy waters for a while, but I bet you 200 squid that if you stop coddin’ yourself and wipe that (octo)pus off your face, your ocean blues will be (pelican) brief.  You’ll wave goodbye to your worries as jacque cousteau-dian of your own life. So don’t be a chum(p)! You don’t need anyone’s seal of approval to get back in the saddle (seahorse). You’ll be having a whale of a time making a big splash with your new capers. And I can’t be more pacific than that!

EMA – The Grey Ship

Sheik Lit

Thank you for signing up to our first ever Sheik lit book club. We all know the stereotypical cover art; beards draped seductively over figs, snakes wrapped suggestively in Persian carpets. But over the next 7 weeks we’ll get under the covers with these men.

Here is the reading list:

Week 1
Shopaholic Returns Her Skirt Following A Public Stoning
About the author – Iftar Kinsellabir is a nom de plume used mainly out of shame.

Week 2
Waiting To Explode
About the author – A hailed suspected arsonist.

Week 3
Being Jordan
About the author – Katie Price has large breasts. She lives in England with a blind child and some paparazzi.

Week 4
The Devil Wears Form-Fitting Clothes
About the author – Lauren Weisbasha’ir worked undercover at Vogue. Author of Entertainment Weekly’s “#1 Worst Book of 2008″

Week 5
He’s Just Not That Into Porkers
About the author – No one would sleep with him after he read The Satanic Verses.

Week 6
PS I Love Fasting
About the author – Cecelia Ahlam is the daughter of a sheik. Her sister is dating the late Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. He is in Westlife. They met at the Muster Station.

Week 7
In Her Hijab
About the author – Jannafaiqir Wasiener believes dumb, attractive sheiks and smart, ugly sheiks can get along. Ha!

Come along each Tuesday evening. There’ll be cupcakes and burning effigies of Salman Rushdie.

Moullinex – Tear Club from Moullinex on Vimeo.